Corporate Takeovers Gifts

Guess what, Mommy? With money from an IPO, today we completed a hostile takeover of XCLPS Corp.

'Son, the Marshak Co has take us over lock, stock and barrel. And old man Marshak - he's adopted you.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

A woman wearing a skin sitting behind a desk with a nameplate that reads "Sheena, Queen of the corporate jungle."

Under new blame.

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

"Pistachio almond—that's the buyout."

'Of course, the toll on my personal life has been enormous.'

Considering she started here as an office temp she's done quite well.

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

Why am I running?

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

'There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our kingdom has ever known.'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"I believe he was the victim of a hostile takeover."

"Leave Lou to me. I'll eat him and then you can run the company."

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

"Benign so far."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'