Corporate Acquisition Gifts

One man thinking 'merger', the other thinking 'takeover'.

"We've been so consolidated the last few years our logo is a mishmash of a bit of everything."

Beer companies merge.

'The only reason we're fighting the merger is we don't want to change the stationary.'

"Pistachio almond—that's the buyout."

"O.K., Jimbo, let's dance with wolves."

Microsoft Merger

'Getting them to pay $2.5 billion for our media assets was exemplary. Getting it paid in pennies, remarkable.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

Welcome to the Team

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

Parade of Businessmen

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

"You're on top of this week's Sales Pyramid."

A woman wearing a skin sitting behind a desk with a nameplate that reads "Sheena, Queen of the corporate jungle."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Under new blame.

Takeovers.

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'