Corporate Mergers Gifts

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Coffee and a Kick in the Pants (formerly Tea and Sympathy)

"How does this sound: 'Single, nearly solvent company seeks relationship with like-minded, prosperous multinational.'"

'This is your captain speaking. Transatlantic airways has just been absorbed by Aero Argentina. Thus, instead of landing in London, we will touch down in Buenos Aires.'

'How are you at takeovers?'

Bar code meeting

"So many acquisitions lately ... should we be worried?"

"Benign so far."

Microsoft Merger

Things haven't been the same around the county since TWA merged with Ed's Crop Dusting Service.

'Apparently Genwetronix merged with BioSolutions, and neither chairman wanted to leave.'

Door to business for corporate consolidation attorneys with many names on it.

"Would you please send in someone to talk me out of signing this contract?"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

Takeovers.

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

Under new blame.

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

'Make them a four billion dollar takeover offer, but don't cause a fuss.'

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

"Pistachio almond—that's the buyout."