Merger Gifts

'We've just got the results back on our brand recognition since the merger, the good news is it's way up!'

"We've been so consolidated the last few years our logo is a mishmash of a bit of everything."

'We're in trouble. I've negotiated with a poker face, but never with an encrypted face!'

Following the Cash Crop

'I'm from your parent company and I think it's about time you knew you were adopted.'

'We've had to pool our resources.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

"They've agreed to the merger, the sticking point is who is swallowing who?"

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

Fish and color

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

Takeovers.

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'Make them a four billion dollar takeover offer, but don't cause a fuss.'

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

Human Recources Management

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our kingdom has ever known.'

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?