Corporate Merger Gifts

"Of course, you could try another bank, if there were any other banks."

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"A handshake and a high five - I can't see this merger working."

Business executive on phone: 'Oh!...Your people are my people? Well, that should make things a lot simpler.'

'I'm really against this merger because it'll force me to change my company logo tattoo.'

"Now that the merger is complete, how about a handshake?"

"Do you, Scofield Industries, take Amalgamated Pipe?"

"The employees from the two companies are adapting very well to the merger. I wish I could say the same about the computer systems!"

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

'Since your people and my people got together, they've been avoiding us.'

'The negotiation is in total deadlock. It's time for the medieval option.'

'It's the final step in the merger...deciding which of the will be CEO.'

'This is us.'

"There'll be room at the trough for all of us."

"That's Karl, before he was purchased by the Chinese."

'Should our firms merge, which one will be the girl?'

'Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company.'

"Because of our merger, Henshaw, we have to let you go..."

"To ease the pain of downsizing, the company will upsize every burger you buy with a soft drink and fries for a month."

'They're offering $5 billion for our engineering division? How much would that be in herring?'

Our company got swallowed up, but they spat me out.

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'It was a very hostile takeover -- they're still holding my secretary hostage.'

"Your is safe, Jake. The company we're merging with doesn't have a scapegoat."

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

After the takeover - The makeover

"There goes the merger between Brigg's corporation and Ludlow industries!"

'I'm downsizing in hopes of a merger.'

'My corporation merged, and all I got was the sack, & this lousy t-shirt!'

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

'What choice did I have? It was either them or me.'

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

"Finding a big enough venue for the partner conference wasn't easy...eventually we had to settle on Las Vegas!"

"Since the merger we've managed to engotiate joint strategy, budgets, and client support...But they still can't agree on who has the office stapler."

"We can't offer you a golden parachute, however we do offer a very attractive escape hatch."