Corporate Merger Experience Gifts

A simple clue that your bank has been sold: "Would you like that in dollars or yen?"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

Human Recources Management

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our kingdom has ever known.'

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

"Benign so far."

'I'm confident that with the right mix of role-playing exercises and prescription medication we'll make a cohesive team.'

"I always cry at mergers."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'It's okay if don't want to give us control of your company. We're perfectly capable of living with incredible disappointment.'

'Our first mistake was hiring an honest accounting firm.'

'A merger will enable us to have more people to blame.'