Company Merger Anniversary Gifts

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

How leaders fail

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

Team Leader

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

Networking

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

The Salesman

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."