Company Takeover Gifts

'We had a leveraged buyout today, and I was the fulcrum!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

Under new blame.

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

"Pistachio almond—that's the buyout."

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our kingdom has ever known.'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

"Benign so far."

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"Leave Lou to me. I'll eat him and then you can run the company."

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

'It's okay if don't want to give us control of your company. We're perfectly capable of living with incredible disappointment.'

"I always cry at mergers."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'