Cool Parent Pillows

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'She's just great with the children.'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'The kids were so sweet...'

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Werewolves of London..."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"He just said his first word!"

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Where do I put the batteries?'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."