Witty Parent Pillows

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

The inventor of the Slip 'n Slide becomes a father.

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

Husband and Child in Pram

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

'Congratulations! It's one of the beautiful people!'

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

'Tell dad he did a lousy paint job.'

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

Our Yuppie Dad