Witty Pet Parent Pillows

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"That's the preacher's dog."

Dogs all across town saw fit to teach their owners a little empathy...

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

Good, but not Great Danes.

"You stop it, now!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

'Good book?'

"It's only the wind."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Is our owner hot?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Balding dog

Non-working dog, please help

Debug

A British policeman looking for a black cat who is in the hedge behind him.

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"At least I got half the Twitter followers in the divorce."

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

Tinder for dogs

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

Jay Walking

"I bark, therefore I am."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'