Witty Pet Parent Pillows

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"That's the preacher's dog."

Dogs all across town saw fit to teach their owners a little empathy...

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

'Good book?'

"It's only the wind."

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"You stop it, now!"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Is our owner hot?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Balding dog

Non-working dog, please help

Debug

A British policeman looking for a black cat who is in the hedge behind him.

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

"At least I got half the Twitter followers in the divorce."

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

"I bark, therefore I am."

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

Tinder for dogs

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

Jay Walking