Pet Parent With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Dave. When did you last feed the goldfish?"

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

"So call the smoke police."

"You stop it, now!"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"Excuse me, but are you going to pick up after your dog?"

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!!'

A dog has a dog butt air freshener.

101 uses of a dead cat: wind vane.

'It doesn't look good. I'm a guard dog. They caught me off guard.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Conversation between Dogs.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Good book?'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

"Is our owner hot?"

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"