Pet Parent With A Twisted Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Conversation between Dogs.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

Good, but not Great Danes.

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

'Good book?'

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"You stop it, now!"

"Bad Dog!!! You can't trust those chocolate labs."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Is our owner hot?"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.