Humor Loving Pet Parent Pillows

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Conversation between Dogs.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'Ben has a new fishing technique - he calls it 'Fish Hawk'.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"You stop it, now!"

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

Dog Jogger

"Is our owner hot?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

"Quick, act casual."

Tinder for dogs

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

Now Wash Your Paws

'You're looking well - you been on holiday?'

'Sandra missed school today because of this appointment. Will you please write an excuse note for her?"