Pet Parent Comedy Lover Pillows

"Once we'd established who was the 'pretty boy' it was a small step discovering who was the 'daddy'."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"You stop it, now!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"Is our owner hot?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

Cat Chores

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

Dog makes cats float with helium.

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Like I was saying, Angus, I'm the master, you're the dog.'

Tinder for dogs

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

"Quick, act casual."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

'You're looking well - you been on holiday?'

Woman in bunny slippers notices rabbit droppings.