Pet Parent Comedy Lover Pillows

"Once we'd established who was the 'pretty boy' it was a small step discovering who was the 'daddy'."

Conversation between Dogs.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"You stop it, now!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Is our owner hot?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

Dog makes cats float with helium.

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

Cat Chores

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Like I was saying, Angus, I'm the master, you're the dog.'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

Tinder for dogs

"Quick, act casual."

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

101 uses of a dead cat: wind vane.

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."

Now Wash Your Paws