Pet Parent Comedy Pillows

Duncan had no choice but to fake an orgasm with Dorothy's Doberman!

Woman in bunny slippers notices rabbit droppings.

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"You stop it, now!"

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"Is our owner hot?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

"Quick, act casual."

Tinder for dogs

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

Now Wash Your Paws

'You're looking well - you been on holiday?'

'Sandra missed school today because of this appointment. Will you please write an excuse note for her?"