Pet Owner With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"And when the time comes the company will put you to sleep at its own expense."

"Tell her your a guard dog. Yeah, a Rottweiler and that your single and neutered..." - Young Pups In A Chat Room.

'I'd recommend a portfolio of 35% stocks, 40% bonds and 25% dog biscuits.'

'I do some light mousework for them in return for room and board.'

Too late they realized they'd awarded 1st place to a mop.

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"See...? - He likes you!!"

'You have been pre-approved for another credit card.'

"He's always chased people on bikes!"

"Tonight I'm going to bury this sucker so far underground he'll never find it."

Ideas that failed: Seeing Eye Chickens

'And in a landslide, the winner of the 'Waking Up Your Owner' race...'

'Better get used to it. I was just appointed to nine life terms to the bench.'

Litterbox in Outhouse

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'C'mon Ace bark, you damn fool!'

101 uses of a dead cat: shoe brush

'They're hideous, aren't they?'

'I'll donate them to ANYONE but a DOG.'

'Hey, I think Yoga's great, but MUST she do that 'downward facing dog' pose?'

Crufts "If you can read this you are too close"

"This is our basic flush but I think your loved one would appreciate a more substantial flush."

'Luke's lost it. He's not aggressive. He won't hustle. His whole attitude has mellowed. ... He never should have got himself spayed.'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"Smoking causes cancer in humans. I'm canine."

Cat-flap at the Gates of Hell

Cat Christmas

Bad Dog

Dog World - XXX Videos/Adult Chew Toys

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

Dog Dressed to Eat

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."