Pet Owner Humorist Pillows

"'I'm a good dog, Mama, I'll bring you your daily news. I'm a good dog, Mama, I don't chew my master's shoes. But there's one thing life has learnt me - Even good dogs get the blues.' Blow some sweet harp for me, Lucky."

'Sorry, they don't eat homework.'

'Hey! I was just sleeping!' A goldfish is almost flushed down the toilet.

'That is the laziest way to walk a dog I have ever seen.'

Dog - 'Drop it! You know you wanna drop it!'

'Remember, the best time to walk on it is just after they've washed it.'

' I don't care if he is cute! He keeps chewing the furniture!'

'One nice thing about eating homework...I finally passed a test.'

'Why do you whimper every time I ask you to bring me my slippers?'

'What's my super power compared to you ...everything.'

'If the Energizer Bunny annoys you, don't watch him.'

'Oh-Crap! I'm a cat!... When did that happen?!?'

Don't forget to feed the python...

"He needs to work on his people skills."

"You're not being held captive - You'd suffocate if I let you out of there!"

Captain Pointy No.52 - Fishflakes Toothpaste

"I believe he invented the poopa-scoopa."

"My owner ate my homework."

Looks like you're gonna have to finish that out here, Rupert.

"You stepped right in dog ship and now you're dragging it all over the house."

"I don't care if you have a heavy date...I'll thank you to stay out of my aftershave!"

'Whether it's fear biting, dominance biting or explorer mouth, he's drawing blood!'

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

'Is that some kind of code or are you delivering my pizza?'

Not everyone in Ancient Greece loved Pegasus.

How to Tell What Your Snake Swallowed

It is not enough that I receive a treat. The dog must also be deprived of one.

No, I just said he doesn't like baths.

Why is my lipstick almost gone already?

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Pardon me, cat. I know we're not on the best of terms. But while you're at it, perhaps you could assist me with one small task..."

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

"Bad dog!"

"Guess what I learned in band class today?"

"He's not 'a Chihuahua mix' or 'a Pekingese mix' ... he's a rat."