Cool Parent T-Shirts

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'She's just great with the children.'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Werewolves of London..."

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'The kids were so sweet...'

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"He just said his first word!"

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Where do I put the batteries?'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'