Fun Parent Pillows

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

"Having a mom who works for the Pentagon has its perks."

'Dad, make a noise like a dinosaur!'

'Thanks for the offer to baby sit him, and don't worry, he's not a fussy eater: Any dung you can find will do...'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'She's just great with the children.'

Mittens is challenged by the string.

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'The kids were so sweet...'

"Werewolves of London..."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

Jeff's Smorgasbord