Convent Comedian Gifts

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

Nun Binning the Devil

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Support group for sheep.

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

St. Elmo's fired.

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

How's my sermon. . .

"Beware of God"

"...and in conclusion..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The ten ammendments

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Bishops Snooker

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Even More Disciples'

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Applause