Comedy Congregant Gifts

Church: Built by Guilt.

"OMG, LOL!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

St. Elmo's fired.

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Nun Binning the Devil

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

How's my Sermon . . .

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"You have a divine right - and the left isn't bad either."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"First, you have to get their attention."

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

"Please rise."

Priest to congregation, "I'm no different to you just because I wear a dog collar."

The wedding.

Church sign.

Inside church reactions to the Pope's resignation...

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.