Religious Comedian Gifts

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

St. Elmo's fired.

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Placed by the Gideons

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

Support group for sheep.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"You call this a constitution?"

"OMG, LOL!"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Pope tarts.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Does the ark have wifi?"

Sermon Applause.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'