Religion Comedians Gifts

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"OMG, LOL!"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Pope tarts.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

St. Elmo's fired.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Sermon Applause.

"Does the ark have wifi?"

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Applause

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"And in the beginning Mary begat a little lamb"

You may have hired the best lawyer but I don't think that you can sue God because of a downgoing Dow Jones, sir.

"This is a beta test, right?"