Sacred Comedians Gifts

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Ten Commandments

St. Elmo's fired.

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"Does the ark have wifi?"

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Applause

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

You may have hired the best lawyer but I don't think that you can sue God because of a downgoing Dow Jones, sir.

"Jesus is not here. Let's check the one over..."

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'Are you being served?'

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"Closed until further notice."

"It started as an out-of body experience but I forgot the password to get back in."

Third eye

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'Yeah, my head gets cold, too, but the hat sends the wrong message.'

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'