Catholic Comedians Gifts

8 Sins or Less

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

St. Elmo's fired.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

"Jesus is not here. Let's check the one over..."

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'I'd like to leave the priesthood to marry you, Sister Agnes, but I hate to leave show biz!'

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

Pope Benedict at Easter

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

Dangerous Populist Pope

Placed by the Gideons

'Fred insists on giving something up for Lent!'

'Maybe we need to clarify the scripture about making a joyful noise.'

Jesus was a republican because he rode into Jerusalem on a Democrat...

"Sorry, I left my credit cards at home!"

Big Brother in Monastery.

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

Bishops with headgear of increasing size.

'I just found out that, instead of God, I've been talking to a temp!'

'That was the longest infomercial I've ever seen.'

Doomsayer angel with a sign: 'The end was near!'

''Cholesterol'? — I told you to make them out of dust!'

New rule: no tumble-drying!

'Stop monking around and get inside!'