Catholic Humorist Gifts

'Do you know brother I think this Papacy 'IS' going to be different.'

'I'd like to leave the priesthood to marry you, Sister Agnes, but I hate to leave show biz!'

Dangerous Populist Pope

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

Sermon Applause.

"Does the ark have wifi?"

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"And in the beginning Mary begat a little lamb"

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

"This is a beta test, right?"

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

Monkey's Ejected from the Garden of Eden

Holy Guacamole.

"'Host' and Cheese?"

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

'Thou shalt not covet a parking space.'

'I know it's all the rage with jazz musicians and pop singers, Twiddlecock - but choristers?'