Religious Humorists Gifts

"Most of the apostles can make it but Thomas is doubtful"

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

A waiter strictly adhering to his religion

'Are you being served?'

'They're not supposed to have any love interest!'

'I see they've discovered a gene for celibacy.'

'If you like Adam, wait till you see the SEQUEL.'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"You call this a constitution?"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

Ten Commandments

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

St. Elmo's fired.

Pope tarts.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Sermon Applause.

'Please take your receipt!'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'