Convent Comedian Pillows

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

Nun Binning the Devil

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Support group for sheep.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

St. Elmo's fired.

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

The Sleeping Congregation.

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Even More Disciples'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

The ten ammendments

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Beware of God"

Bishops Snooker

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"...and in conclusion..."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."