Pastoral Comedian Gifts

Support group for sheep.

"Ugh, I need to hide - he has a strict policy about workplace dating."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

St. Elmo's fired.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

Pope tarts.

Monk Prompt

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

How's my sermon. . .

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

The Sleeping Congregation.

The ten ammendments

"Does the ark have wifi?"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Sermon Applause.

"...and in conclusion..."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'Even More Disciples'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Bishops Snooker

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping