Constitutionalist Cynic Gifts

"Separation of church and state is my hot button issue. I work to ensure there is none."

"You're fired."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Gun laws US

Government a la Carte

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"The enemy of the people!"

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

American Roulette

"Can't we put in something about rich white guys don't have to pay taxes?"

Will Self deprecation

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"I know it's a little vague and ambiguous, but let's throw it in there just to see if everyone's paying attention!"

"Your illegal pursuit of happiness has resulted in a sentence of life without liberty!"

Obama's New Police State

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

What can I get you, Uncle Mort? An answer. How many countries are we at war with right now? One? … No wait … Two? No wait … Seven? … No wait … oh yeah. The answer is none. If none of them are "declared." Then none of them count as "wars." It's in the Constitution. That's not what the Constitution means!!!

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Sen. Krupt. Your vote should never be for sale. It's much more efficient to rent it out!

Clarence Thomas

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)