Legal Cynic Gifts

'Sir your lawyer is here.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

"Would you say your politics are middle of the road?"

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

The first accurate poll.

'Doctor, you're on the edge of violating your non-compete.'

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.

'Dad, is it true what they say about lemmings following each other off a cliff?' 'If they work at a company like mine, it is.'

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

"I just can't work out where the f*****g Swear Jar money went."