Conformity Cynic Gifts

"Here, try this on." "But mom, everyone's wearing three ply. I'll be a freak."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Government a la Carte

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

The Forever Stamp

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

Will Self deprecation

Sen. Krupt. Your vote should never be for sale. It's much more efficient to rent it out!

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"VIP's are coming. Quick! Hide the visionaries."

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."