Conformity Cynic Pillows

"Here, try this on." "But mom, everyone's wearing three ply. I'll be a freak."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

The Forever Stamp

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Will Self deprecation

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"VIP's are coming. Quick! Hide the visionaries."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!