Cynicism Challenger Pillows

"Look at her and her bloody virtue signalling!"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

Targets

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Will Self deprecation

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Diogenes and tourists

"Everyone is so cynical these days."