Cynicism Follower Pillows

Diogenes and tourists

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Will Self deprecation

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'