Cynic On Politics Gifts

"I appeal to the lunatic fringe because I'm a certified lunatic!"

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Government a la Carte

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

The Forever Stamp

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"With great power comes great reward."

Someday

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Sen. Krupt. Your vote should never be for sale. It's much more efficient to rent it out!

There's a lot of money flowing into political campaigns. I'm less concerned about money in politics than I am that none of it trickles down to me.

Gullibility Test $1.00.

Will Self deprecation

"Life sucks and then you keep living."