Community Center Regular Gifts

AA Meeting Here Today

"As smoking bans are being implemented, this a typical scene outside of Bingo halls nationwide!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Rump roast?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

I wish I'd had the review.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"And would you like flies with that?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Prawn Cocktail Please

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"