Restaurant Regular Gifts

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

"And what would suggest, Mr Smartie pants"

'Hi, my name's Krystyn, and I'll be the nutritionist liaison to your waiter tonight.'

A menu with risks and benefits

'There are no prices listed, Sir, because the prices keep going up and up.'

'The customer is always right...'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'I said French Fries.'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

The birth of the martini

"Can't decide? Why don't I bring you a gift certificate. You could give it to someone who can."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"We're out of flowers."

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

"Our security cameras just caught you frowning for an instant. Would you plead take a short online survey telling us way?"

'Give me the bill, it's a business expense.'

'Today's special is yesterday's soup of the day!'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Will everyone please hold it down! Can't you see I'm trying to use my cellphone?'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'Your resume says that you were previously a waiter. Can I assume that you're comfortable taking orders?'

'As soon as you're finished watching that car show, can you give the waiter your order?'

"He is a service dog – he's my accountant."

'Love's young dream or no, they're going to have to take a hunt!'

'Are the leftovers fresh?'

'Maybe we should have ordered bottled water.'

"It says, 'Someday you will die.'"

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Restaurant - 'Waiter! Waiter!'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'The steaks are tough.'

'I take it sir is ready to order?'

'Anything else, Sir?'