Restaurant Regular Pillows

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

'Hi, my name's Krystyn, and I'll be the nutritionist liaison to your waiter tonight.'

A menu with risks and benefits

'The customer is always right...'

'There are no prices listed, Sir, because the prices keep going up and up.'

'I said French Fries.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Can't decide? Why don't I bring you a gift certificate. You could give it to someone who can."

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

"We're out of flowers."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

The birth of the martini

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Our security cameras just caught you frowning for an instant. Would you plead take a short online survey telling us way?"

'Your resume says that you were previously a waiter. Can I assume that you're comfortable taking orders?'

"He is a service dog – he's my accountant."

'Give me the bill, it's a business expense.'

'Will everyone please hold it down! Can't you see I'm trying to use my cellphone?'

'As soon as you're finished watching that car show, can you give the waiter your order?'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Today's special is yesterday's soup of the day!'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Birds.

"It says, 'Someday you will die.'"

Lion at a restaurant

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'How is the water prepared?'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Are the leftovers fresh?'

'Of course you can't have the chef's salad. What will the chef eat?'

"I'll have the pork in cider...easy on the pork"

'Love's young dream or no, they're going to have to take a hunt!'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"Don't yell in the restaurant. Use your texting voice."