Restaurant Regular With A Twist Gifts

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"And would you like flies with that?"

I wish I'd had the review.

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

Prawn Cocktail Please

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

Quartet of chefs.

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.