Restaurant Regular With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

I recommend the ketchup.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

Boiling Point