Restaurant Regular With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

I recommend the ketchup.

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

Waiter, there's a fly drowning in my soup. Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Now squeeze sharply five times - that should dislodge the tip from his coat pocket.