Restaurant Goer With Humor Pillows

"The emergency number for food poisoning."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Lunch Broker

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

Waiter, there's a fly drowning in my soup. Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."