Restaurant Goer With Humor Pillows

"The emergency number for food poisoning."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Lunch Broker

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'