Restaurant Staff Humorist Gifts

'And most importantly, can you handle an oversized pepper mill?'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"This wine is CORKED!"

"Hello, my name is Tony. I'm your waiter, and I'll be dining with you tonight."

"Tonight I'm making spotted bass. Tomorrow night, spotted spaghetti."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'