Restaurant Reservation Humorist Gifts

"The names is swarm of Bluebottles a party of 301,002."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

Punkcakes

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"Hello, my name is Tony. I'm your waiter, and I'll be dining with you tonight."

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"