Community Market Regular Gifts

'Pssst, Bill... the sale's going great, but we're getting low on stuff. Make another run to the landfill and bring back whatever you can get your hands on.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

See you at the farmers market!

AA Meeting Here Today

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"And would you like flies with that?"

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

I wish I'd had the review.

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

Prawn Cocktail Please

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Local food for local consumption

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"