Community Center Regular Pillows

AA Meeting Here Today

"As smoking bans are being implemented, this a typical scene outside of Bingo halls nationwide!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"And would you like flies with that?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Prawn Cocktail Please

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'