Commitment Consultant Pillows

'On second thought, let's just be friends.'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

Relationship Warning Lights

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"I don't think you're taking this relationship seriously..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice a favourite, and entrusted by his master.

A Reasonable Time for Concern

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

Monogamy

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

Preachers with far too much input

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

Marriage & Divorce.

"I need you, Roberta. Deep inside me there's a married man aching to get out."

'It's not the age difference, Larry - it's the wage difference.'

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

Woman thinking - "But is it a real relationship?"

'And promise to love each other through constant drama, bad judgment, poor choices and self-delusion?'

'Look, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We chose to get married before living together.'

'I now pronounce you husband vs. wife.'

"And where exactly is Timbuktu?"

"I did say I wanted to get married, but that was a false positive."

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"I said to him eventually, I said marriage is something you're just going to have to do on your own."

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'