Commitment Analyst Pillows

'You're nice, but I'll need to run your proposal by my attorney, accountant, web master,job coach and HMO.'

'Will you marry me and at the same time agree to take out divorce insurance?'

"I need you, Roberta. Deep inside me there's a married man aching to get out."

Monogamy

Last night my mother asked me when I'm going to change my name to yours. Tell your mother that a woman named Lance is a bad idea, Gloria.

Woman thinking - "But is it a real relationship?"

"I'm migratory, Henrietta, not flighty."

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

Relationship Warning Lights

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"I don't think you're taking this relationship seriously..."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

A Reasonable Time for Concern

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

'How worse? Give me the worst-case scenario.'

Preachers with far too much input

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

"I do enjoy seeing you, Roger, but I'm not sure if you're binge-worthy."

"I need a man who will commit."

Marriage & Divorce.

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

Woman dragging reluctant partner into Tunnel of Commitment.

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

'Whoa! Really? You offer a full refund on any engagement ring for up to two years?! Very cool!'

'And promise to love each other through constant drama, bad judgment, poor choices and self-delusion?'

"I did say I wanted to get married, but that was a false positive."